I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
