I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
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