the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Randomize
