i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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