In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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