Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
