im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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