I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Randomize
