ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
