dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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