Where did you get a picture of my penis
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
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