just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Floor bacon is actually really good
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
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