i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
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