it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Randomize
