If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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