Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
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