week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize