Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
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