So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Your mouth is God's brothel.
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
