the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
