he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
