$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
I think I won the penis lottery.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
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