I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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