Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
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