You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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