atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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