Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
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