Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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