WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
