he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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