bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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