I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
