i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
