When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
