So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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