She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Randomize
