im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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