I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Randomize
