sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
