I wish my penis had an off switch
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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