I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
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I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
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All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD