I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
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I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
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I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family