I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
