I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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