smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.