Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(210): View more from Texas

How crunk are you?

(713): View more from Texas

I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins

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(781): View more from Massachusetts

i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too

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(952): View more from Minnesota

Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.

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(586): View more from Michigan

Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"

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Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
Read it at the TFLN blog
(817): View more from Texas

It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.

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(347): View more from New York

I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead

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(905): View more from Ontario

Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.

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(605): View more from South Dakota

I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks

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(731): View more from Tennessee

Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.

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