The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
23 Bosses Confess The Craziest Thing They’ve Seen An Employee Do
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
19 People Confess What It’s Like To Have Sex With Someone That Is Transitioning
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
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