Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
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