Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Randomize
