Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
