I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
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