Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I love you.
Bad choice
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