Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
