no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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