she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
