dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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