i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Randomize
