We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
