I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Randomize
