Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
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