I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
