do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
