at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Sober January is a disaster.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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