that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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