It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Randomize
