your parents love me but you hate me
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
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That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
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