Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
