When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
