you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
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