The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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