Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
