69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
