I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
