But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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