she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
