Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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