If i come over, it means nothing
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Randomize
