Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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